Penna Dexter

If you are a middle child — or a parent of one of more middles — you are becoming increasingly rare.

Every child born after the first and before the last is technically a middle.

In an article in New York Magazine, culture editor Adam Sterrnbergh makes the startling revelation that the American Middle Child is now an endangered species. He explains the demographics: “As the ideal number of children per family has shrunk to two…the middle child, in a very real sense, is disappearing.” He cites a Pew Research Center study done in 1976 which found that “the average mother at the end of her childbearing years had given birth to three or more children.” Today nearly two-thirds of women with children have two or one. This is the norm across the nation and for every demographic group.”

Millennials are marrying later. Women are waiting longer to have children. But Adam Sternbergh explains that this really boils down to what couples think they can afford. “Three kids — which a generation ago was considered a slightly smaller brood than ideal — now seems aspirational, even decadent.”

Most of Mr. Sternbergh’s article laments what we as a culture will lose as the cohort of middle children dwindles. They are natural mediators. They often have to work harder to be noticed and are more likely to take risks than the oldest or the youngest. One term that is almost never applied to middle children is “spoiled.” The writer wonders, “Do we really want a world with fewer diplomats, or fewer hardy types whose upbringing gives them a knack for empathy?”

Birth order expert and popular author Kevin Lehman says that this evaporation of middle children is a loss for all of us. “Middle children,” he says, “are like the peanut butter and jelly in the sandwich. If you like a sandwich with nothing on it, enjoy.”

Really good things often require a leap of faith.