Penna Dexter

Small talk can seem scary or trivial, but it’s also good for you. There’s a growing body of research showing that small talk yields tangible benefits and contributes to our well-being. Psychologists characterize our daily family and good-friend connections as “strong ties” while the connection with someone like the barista at our regular coffee shop would be described as a “weak tie.” In a series of studies, published in 2014 in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, researchers found that, on days when participants had more interactions than usual with “weak tie” acquaintances, they reported a greater sense of belonging and happiness. Also in 2014, another study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology surveyed Chicago railway commuters. Some were assigned by researchers to initiate conversations on the train, some to ride in silence, and some to converse as they normally would on their commute. In surveys, the commuters who engaged in conversations reported “significantly more positive and “no less productive” commutes than those who did not speak to anyone. Jennifer Breheney Wallace described these studies in a Wall Street Journal piece that makes a case for idle chitchat which, she writes, is “an important social lubricant, helping to build empathy and a sense of community. It is much harder,” she points out,” to snap at a taxi driver for going the wrong way if you have just exchanged pleasantries.” Ms. Wallace also points out that it’s good for our children to see us speaking words of appreciation to the server in a restaurant, the mail carrier, and other workers we sometimes take for granted. Our kids will notice and hopefully emulate us. Technology is a barrier to this kind of engagement. Jennifer Wallace says “one casualty of our obsession with digital devices has been small talk.” How much are we missing with our noses in our smartphones? We’re missing the opportunity to learn something new, to commiserate and relieve frustration over an inconvenience, to bless someone, and perhaps to direct someone’s thoughts toward God.