Penna Dexter

Most of us carry a telephone around with us and yet we’re not talking as much as we used to. We’re using our phones, increasingly, to communicate in ways that replace actual talking — like texting, emailing, and online ordering.

Researchers at the University of Missouri-Kansas City and the University of Arizona began studying gender differences in talkativeness.

The researchers discovered something even more interesting: people in general are speaking to one another less. They reviewed 22 studies covering the daily speaking of more than 2000 participants, ranging in age from 10 to 94.

The Wall Street Journal’s Family and Tech columnist, Julie Jargon, reported on the results. From 2005 to 2019 a person’s speaking decreased, on average 4700 words per day — 28 percent.

Some people might welcome the quiet. But Ms. Jargon worries that this “retreat into online spaces” will increase loneliness and “lead to a decline in the cognitive chess game that is conversation.”

We like the efficiency of texting. But, there’s evidence that it’s shortening our attention spans, which can make holding a conversation harder. Valeria Pfeifer, assistant professor at the University of Missouri-Kansas City and co-author of the study says, “Talking to people builds skills like learning when to speak and when not to — and how to interject.”

It’s not just smart phones. Dr. Pfeifer cites other shifts, like “fewer multigenerational households, declining community and religious engagement, even self-checkout lanes at the grocery stores” as reasons we have “fewer opportunities to talk to relatives and strangers.”

Numerous studies show today’s parents talk less to their babies and phones are one important factor. International experts are warning of the impact of technology on the formation of secure attachment bonds within families as well as in interpersonal relationships.

Try speaking more —to neighbors, to the barista, to the cashier. Sometimes, choose calling over texting. Let people hear the meaning your voice conveys.