2. New York Times Caught Fake Newsing Again

Although border apprehensions plummeted by 91 percent after fencing was completed in San Diego, the Times labeled it “misleading” when Trump said a border barrier in San Diego “almost completely ended illegal crossings.”

You see, it was just a coincidence.

3. New York Times is Caught Fake Newsing Yet Again

Trump said we have been fighting in the Middle East for almost 19 years.

Because it’s been “almost 18 years,” the New York Times calls Trump a liar because the New York Times will decide what “almost” means.

4. The Washington Post Nit Picks Sexual Assault

When it comes to Glenn Kessler, the most shameless liar I have ever personally dealt with, the term sexual abuse and term sexual assault and the sample sizes and parse, parse, parse, and the bad man is orange and the raped women are brown so let’s not do anything to stop it because we need Texas to turn blue.

5. Politico Reassures Us Only 31% Of Migrants are Raped

Trump says “one in three women is sexually assaulted on the long journey north.”

To which Politico replies: Whoa, whoa, whoa there, Hoss… It’s only 31 percent of women who are sexually assaulted, which is a far cry from the 33 percent required to achieve your “one in three” claim, and we’re not going to turn Texas blue if we start throwing ’round outrageous terms like “one in three.”

6. NPR Is Spending Our Tax Dollars Well

Bad Orange Man speaks fact: “We also have more women serving in Congress than ever before.”

Welfare Queen’ at NPR: Since what he said is true, we’re gunna pretend it’s false by fact checking something the Bad Orange Man never claimed.

7. Uhm, Jews Don’t Believe In Heaven, Y’all, So Liar

If Annie Karni wasn’t real, we’d have to invent her…

She later added this:

If only Trump had mentioned the “eschatology.”

8. CNN’s Fact Check Will Numb You With the Picking of Nits

CNN’s fact check of Trump’s speech is so tedious, so pedantic it makes a trip to the DMV feel like a carnival ride. Here’s a favorite example:

Trump says: “If I had not been elected President of the United States, we would right now, in my opinion, be in a major war with North Korea.”

And the four paragraphs of “owning” the Orange Bad Man over this statement begin with: “This is questionable.”

Uhm, what exactly is questionable about an opinion?

Can’t imagine why no one watches CNN.

9. Washington Post Lies About New York’s Abortion Bill

Trump says: “Lawmakers in New York cheered with delight upon the passage of legislation that would allow a baby to be ripped from the mother’s womb moments before birth.”

WaPo Says: Hey, abortion certainly is not “ripping the baby from its mother’s womb!”

The legislation in New York would not have “allowed a baby to be ripped from the mother’s womb moments before birth.” It states a health care practitioner “may perform an abortion when, according to the practitioner’s reasonable and good faith professional judgment based on the facts of the patient’s case: the patient is within twenty-four weeks from the commencement of pregnancy, or there is an absence of fetal viability, or the abortion is necessary to protect the patient’s life or health.”

Oh, so, the full-term baby about to born is butchered first and then the pieces are sucked out of the womb… My bad, my bad.