Lack of commitment is one of the biggest problems in marriage and relational formation. J.P. De Gance has been on my radio program to talk about what the church needs to do to build strong marriages and strengthen existing ones. In the past, we have talked about his initial research. This time we talked about two factors that are hurting marriage commitment. 

Cohabitation is the first negative factor in marriage. As I have mentioned in previous commentaries, and we discussed on radio, cohabitation has gone from being rare to routine. He reported that most (70%) engaged couples seeking pre-marital counseling are living together. That mindset changes from “till death do us part” to “as long as love shall last.” His latest statistics suggest that couples that cohabit have 60-80% higher divorce rates.

The other negative factor in marriage is dating apps. The linked article has the sensational title: “Dating Apps Are Treating People Like Shoes on Amazon.” He argues that these apps are not neutral tools. “They are structurally harmful to the kind of relational orientation that healthy marriages require, because they treat potential partners as commodities.”

It is essentially becoming a business model of cost-benefit analysis that has become optimized for consumer choice and frictionless exit. This is not a mindset you want if you are to build strong marriages and families. These apps train users in habits that work against commitment.

The subtitle of the attached article is “Here’s What That Means for the Church.” That is why I raise this issue. Pastors and Christian leaders need to warn young adults of the mindset that develops once you use these dating apps. If we want a congregation of strong marriages and stable families, we need to address this issue.